"I'm the Decider" by Roddy McCorley

"I'm the Decider" by Roddy McCorley


I'm the decider. I pick and I choose.
I pick among whats and I choose among whos.
And as I decide each particular day,
The things I decide on all turn out that way.

I decided on Freedom for all of Iraq.
And now that they have it, I'm not looking back.
I decided on tax cuts that just help the wealthy.
And Medicare changes that aren't really healthy.

And parklands and wetlands, who needs all that stuff?
I decided that none would be more than enough!
I decided that schools all-in-all are the best
The less they teach and more they test.

I decided those wages you need to get by
Are much better spent on some CEO guy.
I decided your Wade, which was versing your Roe
Is terribly awful and just has to go.

I decided that levees are not really needed.
Now when hurricanes come they come unimpeded.
That old Constitution? Well, I have decided
It's "just goddam paper." It should be derided.

I've decided gay marriage is icky and weird.
Above all other things, it's the one to be feared.

Yes, I'm the Decider. I know what is best.
Listen only to me and ignore all the rest.
Or I'll tap your phones and your e-mail I'll read.
Because I'm the Decider, like Jesus decreed!
Yes, I'm the Decider, so watch what you say
Or I may decide to whisk you away.

Cheney and Rummy and Condi all know
That I'm the Decider. They tell me it's so.
Yes, I'm the Decider. The finest alive
And I'm nuking Iran. Now watch this drive!