Letter to Mel Gibson

South Florida, August 1, 2006

Dear Mr. Mel Gibson,

Obviously your drunken tirade in the early hours of Friday last was despicable, odious and loathsome. Blame the drink all you want but your remarks are symptomatic of a deeply rooted anti-Semitism which is difficult, but not impossible, to eradicate.

In your most recent and second apology you are to be commended for your forthrightness and your desire to make amends to the Jewish community.

I think I can help.

I have just recently begun to put together (I can't believe myself how serendipitous the timing of your vulgar outbursts, timing is everything!) plans for the establishment in Miami Beach of a center for the reformation of known anti-Semites.

Since your recent indiscretion, you have made it to the top of our newest list of the "Sexiest Anti-Semite Alive".

I believe that we can help each other.

For the small consideration of Chai, which in this case would be eighteen million dollars, we will name the center in your honor "The Mel Gibson Center For Recovering Anti-Semites".
Your name will of course be displayed prominently across the threshold. As the pre-eminent sponsor and your status as the Center's first bigot, it will go a long way in establishing both the credentials of the center and your commitment to reform yourself into a mensch.

We will have a fully functioning substance abuse clinic, you can get concurrent rehab services for both of your proclivities. Needless to say the positive publicity you will gain from being both the benefactor and first member will go far in re-establishing your bona fides to the Jewish population and more importantly the Hollywood crowd.

I am certain that your publicist will tell you that quick action on your part is paramount in quelling the tide of opprobrium which is fast engulfing you. I expect therefore to hear from you shortly.

Shalom,

Moishe Thalman-Bergsteinowitz

Director: The Mel Gibson Center for Recovering Anti-Semites

P.S. Isn't Mel a "Jewish" name?